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lyrics to a song im recording soon

 
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DICHOTOMY
BLOWN MINDS


Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 4640

PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 8:06 am    Post subject: lyrics to a song im recording soon Reply with quote

any criticism is definitely welcome.

Chasing Arches

says i could be his muse
but im just a rehearsed liar
he hates it when i tell him
he resembles the corpses i admire
not sure how i found him
maybe i like the abuse
the muscles never heal
but at least they get some use

ive begun to hate this dressed up town
its a poor excuse for paradise
all i ask is a good night sleep
though chasing arches would be nice

wish id had the courage
to love him once i got sober
but im the master of pulling
teeth when it's all over
wonder what he's doing
something better than me
though thats to be expected
when the whole trip is free

ive begun to hate this dressed up town
its a poor excuse for paradise
all i ask is an appetite
though chasing arches would be nice

and i swear on every fucking star
ill burn that holy city to the ground
the next time our bodies collide
im going to
push
push
push
you down

ive begun to hate this dressed up town
its a poor excuse for paradise
all i ask is one more chance
though chasing arches would be nice
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DGNR8
.
.


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4209
Location: DC Area

PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 5:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liek this quite a bit. The corpses line is a favorite.

I don't know how to critique. I know what clicks for me. I try to bend lines like strings to just miss the rhyme, like tough and love, or sharp and heart. Or hearth. And instead of love, luck. The first inclination gets the line out, but turning it over can jog things loose. What are the arches and why chase them? I don't want to be told what they are, but I want to think that the singer sees them.

Mine are mostly first person narratives. I can't tell tales, even though I like them when others do. Here's a Tom Waits lyric from 1985. Are they drinking in the top of a steeple or bank, or did time just stop for them?

Inside a broken clock
Splashing the wine
With all the Rain Dogs
Taxi, we'd rather walk.
Huddle a doorway with the Rain Dogs
For I am a Rain Dog, too.

_________________
Yell Like Hell
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DICHOTOMY
BLOWN MINDS


Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 4640

PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i love tom waits!
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