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Do An Poemz

 
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tomin8r
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Joined: 06 Jun 2009
Posts: 616
Location: pr0ntario, Frigid White North

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:03 am    Post subject: Do An Poemz Reply with quote

Alright, I got a couple of poems that I have done recently.

The first one was part of an assignment for a Writer's Craft class, where someone did power writing, and I was instructed to take the words that stood out the most and make a poem out of them. The other few are some old ones I have lying around.



Tales of travelling,
sprinkled white
blankets vehicles of children.

Breath, awaiting rebirth,
remains silent, somber.

Cancerous roars of vehicles
throwing salt, pepper.
Trails remain, awaiting purity.

Cigarettes breathe silence,
blanketing crushed streets.




City

As l stare, l find sanctuary.
Down in the city below, the silent confusion of traffic whistles the tune of the midnight dream.
They all come to this metropolis for a chance to see the Great City's offer. The promise of freedom and hope fuels the minds of the wandering spirits in the night.

And as l stare, l find sanctuary.


While l seem to find sanctuary, my mind continues to wander. Memories and dreams from the past fill my restless eyes with tears. The fears and pressures of this city can stir even the strongest man's thoughts. Echoes in the wind carry my words home on a cloud.My mind continues to search for freedom, and my words speak past my own mind. But through my eyes, l find my spirit.

And while l hope, l gain freedom.




Field

Going nowhere in my head, I still hear what she said.
Echoes in the summer haze, sitting in an trance,
I look at her face, speaking through her eyes.
She says shes not there anymore, but she remembers how it feels
to be loved, to never be alone.
But now she sits, in a field of hopes and dreams,
a field of joy and screams
far away from me.



Feedback is appreciated.
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frorangejuice
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Joined: 24 Jan 2010
Posts: 50
Location: Your backyard.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice. I like how you state the setting.
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tomin8r
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Joined: 06 Jun 2009
Posts: 616
Location: pr0ntario, Frigid White North

PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 4:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you very much. I try to describe the poems exactly how it comes to me when I'm writing it. A bit of general, yet a wee bit specific detail is my usual approach, and I find it conveys my message pretty well.

Cheers.
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DICHOTOMY
BLOWN MINDS


Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 4640

PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

they are all fucking terrible.

Hidden: 
just kidding i really like the last one.
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tomin8r
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Joined: 06 Jun 2009
Posts: 616
Location: pr0ntario, Frigid White North

PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Dich, Field is some old piece of shit I wrote a couple years(or at least it feels like) ago, but none the less I like it.
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